"I think, back at 37, I wanted to prioritize and say, But that was also my world then, and I look where I am now, with a full-time job — I also have a 4-year-old daughter, because life wasn’t adventurous enough! It was kind of an extreme example of recognizing that your comfort is paramount. And I actually loved dating, even though I acknowledge that I’ve made some bad choices. But then the other side will say that it was the most empowering thing I could do in this situation in which I felt all agency had been taken from me. They can have sex."I think the thing people wonder about dating while going through breast cancer is worrying about losing their breasts — is that something you grappled with? So I would have a round of chemo, and then I’d have to go back three days in a row to get IVs to deal with the side effects. I knew my boobs looked different, but I was so focused on getting to the end of treatment.
I think when I was in it, I felt so sick that I didn’t have time to process anything. I think when it hit me the most was once treatment was done.
I had to figure out if I wanted to date someone who was so wedded to this construction of breasts as this perfect cisgender female beauty standard.
If that’s what you’re looking for, that’s not me."That’s ridiculous.
That really was a nice juxtaposition to the person I was initially dating when I was diagnosed."You wrote about your sex and dating life on your blog, and it seemed like you were always out in the dating world. Women often say they feel a loss of themselves, in a way, because they’re doing things to make other people comfortable.
How do you think cancer affected that social aspect of your life? And I’m sure this experience put that into stark relief for you. Some people will say that the last thing they want is to be having sex during treatment.
Luckily, I eventually realized that there's no "right" way to date, and that I need to find happiness within myself, no partner needed.I was in a serious relationship when I had the double mastectomy.I was with a very supportive partner at the time — we had a daughter together.These aren’t elective surgeries that are covered by my insurance company.It’s all a constant reminder of how different my life is after cancer, and how different my attachment with my body is after cancer." I was in a relationship when I was really actually in the dating scene. Getting diagnosed makes it really clear where a relationship is going.